In October 2013, I listened to an apostle of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints boom the following words,
“Today I am speaking of something more serious, of an affliction so severe that it significantly restricts a person’s ability to function fully, a crater in the mind so deep that no one can responsibly suggest it would surely go away if those victims would just square their shoulders and think more positively—though I am a vigorous advocate of square shoulders and positive thinking! No, this dark night of the mind and spirit is more than mere discouragement.” [Read the whole talk here, it’s utterly brilliant: https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/10/like-a-broken-vessel?lang=eng%5D
When he said that, I reflected on others and not myself. But you know how in cliche movies there is always some cheesy foreshadowing monologue or line such as “There’s no way I’m ever going to fall in love!” or “I’ve never fully recovered from my cat’s death and I think if I had another animal I’d learn to love again”? And then they magically bump into someone at the mall or rescue a lost kitten and life becomes interesting again? Well, that talk back in October was my foreshadow. Turns out my plot line needed a twist and after starting up some medication I knew I shouldn’t have taken, I started down my four month journey of learning what it meant to “feel depressed”.
What a depressed spirit feels like in photographic form.
I won’t bore you with the details. If you’ve ever watched an indie movie, you’ll know the type of character I played; I was the grungy, ugly sweater-wearing one.
There’s a lot of literature, blogs, art, etc. about depression. Some evokes sheer beauty while others induce laughter. I don’t fall into either category really but I wanted to write this post because all that I wanted to hear during those four months was that it would get better and that I wasn’t a total failure at life. So I’m going to do that for any of you that are experiencing crippling moods and bleak futures.
The Beatles weren’t lying when they said it’s getting better all the time. You can’t see that at the moment of course, but that’s OK; you’re human. Cut yourself some slack. So what if you just got hired at the greatest company in the world or married the love of your life or won People’s Sexiest Person award? You can still feel like crap for no logical reason and that’s real and it sucks. But there’s a way out. You’re doing alright. Do one thing better today than you did yesterday and you’re practically skipping your way out of Mordor.
And if you’d like to take the fast track to healing, I can recommend no other better source than working to discover what your relationship with God is. If you already have one, build on it. If you don’t, experiment with your spirituality and find what truth exists.
I’m not a counselor or an expert but I have been spiritually changed through my relationship with Jesus Christ and I believe we will all be made whole again, regardless of the emotional roundhouse kicks we take to our face in this life. While I can’t wait for that day, I plan on waking up with a little more hope than I had the day before.
How I’m feeling these days after applying what I’ve learned in overcoming unreasonable sadness.
It feels lovely to talk to y’all again; I’ll write more eloquently later.
Ciao until next time.
We Are Doing Alright 